4 letters, like a dagger to the heart

So, this has been pretty quiet... Im sorry for that.

The past few months have been hard for me. I have had the feeling that I had PTSD from my pregnancy/ birth experience/ NICU.

Today I went to LDS family services and saw a psychologist. He confirmed that I am suffering from PTSD. I don't know whether to be relieved or scared... well, Im a bit of both. I knew I had it, Its just different when someone confirms it, says you are actually messed up. The psychologist told me that the reason I keep having anxiety/ flashbacks/ nightmares is because my brain cant reason or "file away " why I went through what I went through. Its going to be a long process and I may have to see an actual Psychiatrist.

Hopefully I can over come this. Sooner would be better than later hahaha I know that our birthday is going to be very difficult and if Elika has the procedure done on her heart, I will probably be a mess.

Im not looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to overcoming the PTSD

5 months!!!!!

Little Elika is 5 months!!!! 

12-12-12

Here are some pictures and tidbits about what she is up to now-a-days. :)

she is becoming a very smiley girl!!!

I make her smile before i pick her up out of the crib and on the changing table.she also smiles while she is trying to take a bottle. makes the process oh-so-cute but very inefficient.

we are still seeing the doctor every month which she is really good at, but she hides in the blanket/ towel

hiding

she LOVES animals. she is always reaching for/ "petting" /grabbing the cat at home 

she doesn't like tummy time... unless you put her in front of the TV.thankfully mom figured that one out ;)

BLESSING DAY 

tiny fat crease... it only took 5 months...

she is supported sitting on her own

almost sitting on her own

LOVES to stand

thinks mommy is a jungle gym

sleeps 7-9 hours a night

LOVES hanging out with her daddy

screams every time you put her in the bath ( no matter the temperature) 

but laughs when you splash the water

gettin' into the swing of things!

HOLY COW WE HAVE A BABY SCHEDULE!

She has never really settled into a consistent schedule since she had her little hunger strike in the NICU. Finally she has found her groove... for now.

7am/7:30am- Wake and eat
9am- nap
12pm/12:30pm- wake and eat
1:00pm- play/ tummy time
2:00/2:30- nap
4:30/5:00-wake and eat
(she usually stays awake and watches tv or "reads" with  daddy)
8pm- eat
8:30pm- nap
11:30 pm-12:00am wake and eat
(sometimes we will let her sleep until 7am, most of the time I wake her )

Sundays the schedule gets thrown off because of church, but so far - cross my fingers- she falls right back into it on Monday as long as we feed her at midnight. :)

of course..... now that I wrote it down..... she will change it hahaha

Chicken and Dumpling Soup

Since Everyone loved the soup this weekend, I thought I would share it here instead of emailing everyone. :) Enjoy!

CHICKEN AND DUMPLING SOUP :)

2-3 thawed Chicken Breasts

2 Tablespoons Butter

2 cans (10.5oz) Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup

1 can (14oz) Chicken Broth

1/2  Onion, diced

1 can of peas and carrots

1 package of 10  Refrigerator Biscuits (I like a lot of dumplings, you can use less if you prefer)

Place thawed chicken in crockpot. Top with butter add cream of chicken soup, chicken broth, peas and carrots, and onion. Cook on high 4-6 hours (or on low for 8 hours).

After the chicken has cooked, take chicken out and shred. Then  cut each biscuit into small pieces(appox. 9 each). Add biscuits and continue  to cook 30 mins to an hour longer.

Serves 6-8. or 1-2 Athey boys. :)

Looking back at July 12,2012

My 26th birthday. July 12th, two thousand and twelve. This day will forever be the craziest, most painful, scariest, and most blessed day of my life.

After an emotionally straining day on the 11th, I woke up at 1:30am on the 12th with a bleed again. nurse came in at 2am to put me on the monitor. The found that I was having contractions, not too bad, but they gave me some pills to stop the contractions ( which I have had before, and had been successful in stoping the contractions)

About 5am my water broke.... contractions got worse.

They rushed me upstairs to labor and delivery.

They tried magnesium to stop the contractions... they just got closer together and stronger.

I remember them giving me some pain medication through my IV that helped for about 45 min.

Finally my doctor arrived and he checked me.

He confirmed that my water had broken and I was starting to dialate.

They then made the call to do the emergency c-section ( which it seemed everyone that was in the hospital knew I was going to end up there.

They gave me the epidural and started. I remember a LOT of talking. There was a Med student that had been following my case and she was in the surgery. They were testing her. I answered some of the questions in my head to try to keep my mind off of it...

Of course my lovely husband was standing up most of the time, watching them cut me open... I love him.... but he was a little to interested in my insides lol

I remember being able to see a tiny reflection in one of the overhead lamps, but I had to keep telling myself to look away... look away.... look away Kati.

Then I heard a cry. a loud cry. that must be my daughter. she is crying! they said that I probably wouldn't hear her cry because of her prematurity. but she is crying! she is ok! So we are done right? can I get up yet and go see my baby?

I remember laying there for what seemed like forever...  Then I remember the recovery room. The time in between is lost.  I remember wanting to rip off my nose off because it itched from the morphine.

My Mom, Mother in law, Mike and I ( and one of my favorite nurses Eileen) stayed in the recovery room for a long time. finally I was wheeled down to the NICU to see my baby girl.

I couldnt hold her and  I couldnt see her face because of all the wires and tubes that were keeping her alive, but we got to touch her feet. her tiny little feet (which one of my friends pointed out, were smaller than the prints on the blanket)

Elika Marie- 3lbs 5oz 16 & 1/2 min long

She has oxygen, feeding tube, belly button IV, IV in her arm, plus heart rate, respiratory, and O2 level monitors

This picture shows just how small she was... 

Ill blog about the next stage soon...

In for the long haul...

Since 24 weeks my body has been very good at keeping Family, friends, Mike and I on our toes.

24 weeks- I was admitted to the hospital for 3 days because of bleeding.
25&1/2 weeks- I was admitted again because of bleeding.

On the first day of my 27th week (Friday 6/29) I had some bleeding at night. It wasn't too bad, so we waited it out. I woke up on Saturday with contractions 5-7 min apart so we went into OB Triage. They gave me a shot to stop the contractions that worked really well, but made me very shakey and my heart race. Once I was stable, they sent me home.

The next morning, 7/1 I had the biggest bleed so far. I basically woke up in a pool of blood. Off to the hospital again.

My regular doctor was on vacation, so I got to know his on-call replacement VERY well. He was just as honest but reassuring as my regular doctor. He told me that since The frequency and intensity of the bleeds are increasing, they need to keep me for longer. when the question of how long came up, it was answered with a "we will have to see, there is a possibility of keeping you until you deliver." WHAT? SERIOUSLY?

They also told me that they were going to give me 2 steroid shots to help the babys lungs develop. Before they could do this, they had to give me the Gestational Diabetes test. They had to do this before giving me the shots, because the steroids increase your blood sugar.  The test consists of drinking this nasty drink and getting your blood drawn at 1hour then at 2 hours. I didn't pass the 2 hour.
So, along with the Hyperemesis, the bleeding Placenta Previa, I now also have Gestational Diabeties. Yippie. Its safe to say... my body doesn't like being pregnant.

After the smoke had settled, so to speak, we had a long conversation with my group of doctors. This is what they told me:

The bleeding is to be expected. As long as I am not contracting and she isn't in distress, then they wont have to do a c-section. The goal is to "keep me pregnant" as long as they can. If I make it to 36 weeks... they will just do a c-section.
In order to go home, I need to not have a bleeding episode for 7 days. At this "growth" stage in my pregnancy and the fact I have had 3 episodes in the past 5 days... they are telling me the odds are pretty slim. So here I sit... patiently marking off the days.

aaaaaaand we are back!

I really wish we weren't. It's been a week since I was discharged from the hospital and we are back again. I started bleeding again ( not as much as last week, but enough to get checked out) and cramping. I called the doc, he said to go in as a precaution. So we are here. Hopefully not for long......