4 letters, like a dagger to the heart

So, this has been pretty quiet... Im sorry for that.

The past few months have been hard for me. I have had the feeling that I had PTSD from my pregnancy/ birth experience/ NICU.

Today I went to LDS family services and saw a psychologist. He confirmed that I am suffering from PTSD. I don't know whether to be relieved or scared... well, Im a bit of both. I knew I had it, Its just different when someone confirms it, says you are actually messed up. The psychologist told me that the reason I keep having anxiety/ flashbacks/ nightmares is because my brain cant reason or "file away " why I went through what I went through. Its going to be a long process and I may have to see an actual Psychiatrist.

Hopefully I can over come this. Sooner would be better than later hahaha I know that our birthday is going to be very difficult and if Elika has the procedure done on her heart, I will probably be a mess.

Im not looking forward to it, but I am looking forward to overcoming the PTSD

5 months!!!!!

Little Elika is 5 months!!!! 

12-12-12

Here are some pictures and tidbits about what she is up to now-a-days. :)

she is becoming a very smiley girl!!!

I make her smile before i pick her up out of the crib and on the changing table.she also smiles while she is trying to take a bottle. makes the process oh-so-cute but very inefficient.

we are still seeing the doctor every month which she is really good at, but she hides in the blanket/ towel

hiding

she LOVES animals. she is always reaching for/ "petting" /grabbing the cat at home 

she doesn't like tummy time... unless you put her in front of the TV.thankfully mom figured that one out ;)

BLESSING DAY 

tiny fat crease... it only took 5 months...

she is supported sitting on her own

almost sitting on her own

LOVES to stand

thinks mommy is a jungle gym

sleeps 7-9 hours a night

LOVES hanging out with her daddy

screams every time you put her in the bath ( no matter the temperature) 

but laughs when you splash the water

gettin' into the swing of things!

HOLY COW WE HAVE A BABY SCHEDULE!

She has never really settled into a consistent schedule since she had her little hunger strike in the NICU. Finally she has found her groove... for now.

7am/7:30am- Wake and eat
9am- nap
12pm/12:30pm- wake and eat
1:00pm- play/ tummy time
2:00/2:30- nap
4:30/5:00-wake and eat
(she usually stays awake and watches tv or "reads" with  daddy)
8pm- eat
8:30pm- nap
11:30 pm-12:00am wake and eat
(sometimes we will let her sleep until 7am, most of the time I wake her )

Sundays the schedule gets thrown off because of church, but so far - cross my fingers- she falls right back into it on Monday as long as we feed her at midnight. :)

of course..... now that I wrote it down..... she will change it hahaha

Chicken and Dumpling Soup

Since Everyone loved the soup this weekend, I thought I would share it here instead of emailing everyone. :) Enjoy!

CHICKEN AND DUMPLING SOUP :)

2-3 thawed Chicken Breasts

2 Tablespoons Butter

2 cans (10.5oz) Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup

1 can (14oz) Chicken Broth

1/2  Onion, diced

1 can of peas and carrots

1 package of 10  Refrigerator Biscuits (I like a lot of dumplings, you can use less if you prefer)

Place thawed chicken in crockpot. Top with butter add cream of chicken soup, chicken broth, peas and carrots, and onion. Cook on high 4-6 hours (or on low for 8 hours).

After the chicken has cooked, take chicken out and shred. Then  cut each biscuit into small pieces(appox. 9 each). Add biscuits and continue  to cook 30 mins to an hour longer.

Serves 6-8. or 1-2 Athey boys. :)

Looking back at July 12,2012

My 26th birthday. July 12th, two thousand and twelve. This day will forever be the craziest, most painful, scariest, and most blessed day of my life.

After an emotionally straining day on the 11th, I woke up at 1:30am on the 12th with a bleed again. nurse came in at 2am to put me on the monitor. The found that I was having contractions, not too bad, but they gave me some pills to stop the contractions ( which I have had before, and had been successful in stoping the contractions)

About 5am my water broke.... contractions got worse.

They rushed me upstairs to labor and delivery.

They tried magnesium to stop the contractions... they just got closer together and stronger.

I remember them giving me some pain medication through my IV that helped for about 45 min.

Finally my doctor arrived and he checked me.

He confirmed that my water had broken and I was starting to dialate.

They then made the call to do the emergency c-section ( which it seemed everyone that was in the hospital knew I was going to end up there.

They gave me the epidural and started. I remember a LOT of talking. There was a Med student that had been following my case and she was in the surgery. They were testing her. I answered some of the questions in my head to try to keep my mind off of it...

Of course my lovely husband was standing up most of the time, watching them cut me open... I love him.... but he was a little to interested in my insides lol

I remember being able to see a tiny reflection in one of the overhead lamps, but I had to keep telling myself to look away... look away.... look away Kati.

Then I heard a cry. a loud cry. that must be my daughter. she is crying! they said that I probably wouldn't hear her cry because of her prematurity. but she is crying! she is ok! So we are done right? can I get up yet and go see my baby?

I remember laying there for what seemed like forever...  Then I remember the recovery room. The time in between is lost.  I remember wanting to rip off my nose off because it itched from the morphine.

My Mom, Mother in law, Mike and I ( and one of my favorite nurses Eileen) stayed in the recovery room for a long time. finally I was wheeled down to the NICU to see my baby girl.

I couldnt hold her and  I couldnt see her face because of all the wires and tubes that were keeping her alive, but we got to touch her feet. her tiny little feet (which one of my friends pointed out, were smaller than the prints on the blanket)

Elika Marie- 3lbs 5oz 16 & 1/2 min long

She has oxygen, feeding tube, belly button IV, IV in her arm, plus heart rate, respiratory, and O2 level monitors

This picture shows just how small she was... 

Ill blog about the next stage soon...

In for the long haul...

Since 24 weeks my body has been very good at keeping Family, friends, Mike and I on our toes.

24 weeks- I was admitted to the hospital for 3 days because of bleeding.
25&1/2 weeks- I was admitted again because of bleeding.

On the first day of my 27th week (Friday 6/29) I had some bleeding at night. It wasn't too bad, so we waited it out. I woke up on Saturday with contractions 5-7 min apart so we went into OB Triage. They gave me a shot to stop the contractions that worked really well, but made me very shakey and my heart race. Once I was stable, they sent me home.

The next morning, 7/1 I had the biggest bleed so far. I basically woke up in a pool of blood. Off to the hospital again.

My regular doctor was on vacation, so I got to know his on-call replacement VERY well. He was just as honest but reassuring as my regular doctor. He told me that since The frequency and intensity of the bleeds are increasing, they need to keep me for longer. when the question of how long came up, it was answered with a "we will have to see, there is a possibility of keeping you until you deliver." WHAT? SERIOUSLY?

They also told me that they were going to give me 2 steroid shots to help the babys lungs develop. Before they could do this, they had to give me the Gestational Diabetes test. They had to do this before giving me the shots, because the steroids increase your blood sugar.  The test consists of drinking this nasty drink and getting your blood drawn at 1hour then at 2 hours. I didn't pass the 2 hour.
So, along with the Hyperemesis, the bleeding Placenta Previa, I now also have Gestational Diabeties. Yippie. Its safe to say... my body doesn't like being pregnant.

After the smoke had settled, so to speak, we had a long conversation with my group of doctors. This is what they told me:

The bleeding is to be expected. As long as I am not contracting and she isn't in distress, then they wont have to do a c-section. The goal is to "keep me pregnant" as long as they can. If I make it to 36 weeks... they will just do a c-section.
In order to go home, I need to not have a bleeding episode for 7 days. At this "growth" stage in my pregnancy and the fact I have had 3 episodes in the past 5 days... they are telling me the odds are pretty slim. So here I sit... patiently marking off the days.

aaaaaaand we are back!

I really wish we weren't. It's been a week since I was discharged from the hospital and we are back again. I started bleeding again ( not as much as last week, but enough to get checked out) and cramping. I called the doc, he said to go in as a precaution. So we are here. Hopefully not for long......

Hospitals

On our first date, Mike and I  bonded over medical issues. We talked about hospital stays, doctors, medical tests ect. Very unconventional, but very us. :-P  Since we have been together... we have taken turns visiting the hospital.

Right before we got engaged, Mike broke his finger lifting a table during a nerf gun war at the church. and yes, I am never letting him live that down :)

In March, I was 11 weeks pregnant at became so dehydrated, I ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with Hyperemesis. (see previous post) Thankfully they let me go the same day.

On Thursday June 7th, Mike was sharpening a knife and walking towards the cat.... a glance away and blood everywhere. she sliced his finger. I bandaged it and we went to the ER because we couldn't see exactly how deep it was with all the blood. At the ER, the cut was staying mostly closed, so they didnt stitch it. Very anti-climatic. ;)

oh Mike..........

4 days later, I was sitting on the couch and one of the scariest things happened. It wasn't a big event. I felt something wasn't right and realized I was hemorrhaging.  I called Mike, all I could get out was " I'm bleeding, we need to go to the hospital" Then I called my Doctor so he could send the orders to California Medical Center OB Triage.  Our nurse was great, she explained what was going on, could go on, what questions to ask/ be aware of, and kept the spirit light. She made us laugh and that really helped settle our fears.

very good hospital... I was very impressed.

We were then sent upstairs to be admitted.  They did an ultrasound and found that Elika was absolutely perfect, but my placenta was still completely covering my cervix. Thankfully, they didnt see and blood pooling in my uterus, which would lead to pre-tearm labor and they would have to deliver her within the next couple days. The ultrasound showed that even though on the outside it looked very scary, everything inside was doing well.

scary moments

Elika doing just fine :)

bedrest = clots... so they put pressure cuffs  on my legs

All in all, We were visited by 3 doctors: my OB, a Perinatal Specialist and a NICU doctor. they all were great in explaining what could happen in the coming months. Elika could be born at 25 weeks(where I am now) but she would spend a couple months in the NICU. Because of the position of the placenta there are a few things that could happen. It could move, I could hemorrhage (once or multiple times) up until delivery, and depending on what happens Elika could be delivered anytime between now and full term. The goal is to "stay pregnant" until at least 32 weeks. The best would be 34-40 weeks. Also, if the placenta doesn't move, I will be having a c-section. It really helped to have all the doctors to be honest and lay everything out on the table. Its hard because we don't know what exactly will happen, but we know what could happen, how the doctors will respond, and what they will ask of us.

After 3 days in the hospital, a emotional roller coaster, and a ton of information thrown at us... they sent us home. MAN... I AM HAPPY TO BE HOME!!!!!!!!

HOME!!!  Dorian feeling for Elika :)

Hyperemesis Gravidarum

So, as most of you know... Its been a very rough couple of weeks. 


On Monday I broke down and went into the doctor and after he looked at me, asked some questions and took my weight he told me he was sending me to the hospital... I was shocked. I kept asking him... the HOSPITAL? He said I had Hyperemesis and was very dehydrated... To the hospital I go...


He sent me to California Pacific Medical Center, (which was nice, because thats were we are having the baby) to the OB Triage Reception. They placed me in a room and triaged me and then started to try for my IV. It took over an hour, 3 nurses and 5 prods with the needle to get it started. This made the seriousness of my dehydration real. I have fabulous veins. I have had Nursing students practice on me as their first time patient. I have easy veins! However, because I was so dehydrated the nurses said the veins were too dry. :(


Finally they got it started and started pumping me full of fluids. Then the power went out. But thats another story... lol


They also gave me IV Zofran. This is a drug that is used to ease nausea and vomiting in caused by chemotherapy, radiation therapy and surgery. It basically tricks your brain and stomach into thinking you are not sick. Sounds like a good plan. 


Finally after 4 hours I was starting to feel better... ready to get out of the hospital! However they almost didnt let me go because I had Ketones still in my urine.  Ketones are a sign that your body is using fat stores instead of food. 


So, after getting home I did some research about Hyperemesis. 
The most obvious sign is extreme vomiting to the point of causing dehydration. Why you ask was that the LAST symptom  I had... well thats because I NEVER vomit. I have only vomited a handful of times in my life, and it usually meant I was VERY sick.  I started consistently vomiting ( it was sporadic before) on Thursday, and it lasted through the weekend (which supposedly I hid very well from my husbands family.)


more research, more puzzle pieces fitting together: (from several sites)

▪                Loss of 5% or more of pre-pregnancy body weight

▪                Dehydration, causing ketosis, and constipation

▪                Food Aversions

▪                Confusion

▪                Altered sense of taste

▪                Sensitivity of the brain to motion

▪                Fainting

▪                Vomiting

▪                Extreme Fatigue

▪                Subconjunctival hemorrhage (broken blood vessels in the eyes)

▪                Loss of skin elasticity

▪                Headaches

Check, Check, Check. 

Thankfully, I have a few functioning hours of the day. There are some women that end up on bed rest or in the hospital for long stays. There have even been women that have died because of complications to the condition. 

I am now taking Zofran every day, and the nausea is easing... not going away. I see my doctor again this upcoming Friday and hopefully things will be better by then. 

For those that are wondering about the baby... I listened to its heart beat before I went to the hospital... and it sounded great. the Doctor says that the kid is probably oblivious to my pain and suffering. I guess that is a good thing lol

Thank you for your prayers and concern. It really helps get through the day :)

its out and official!

So today I told my parents and family... not the way they wanted, but the way I Felt was best for all parties. And then I posted this little gem on Facebook:

so... its like toooooootally official! :)

so far

Since my pregnancy journal is lacking and I have had a interesting time so far and am learning so much about life and myself... I'd thought I would share a few things:

week 4: feeling faint
week 5: Moody
week 6: HOLY CRAMPS!!!
week 7: really. Sick. Loosing weight...
week 8: colds and morning sickness equals HELL!
week 9: tired! Falling asleep in class, work and on muni

Every week seems to have it's own challenges. Just wondering what is going to come next!

Other tidbits I have discovered:
Stay clear of buffets, the smell combos make you want to run to the nearest garbage can.
Telling people you are pregnant makes them treat you like a fragile piece of china.
Being in massage school while pregnant is AWESOME! they always want to give you extra massage time.
Having a boss, who's wife had twins and a hard pregnancy , is a huge advantage for me. He's very understanding and protective.
Support is important. Family.and friends that are also pregnant are lifesavers some days.


When cravings occur... Don't make a ton of the dish. After a bite or two it goes from craving to vomit inducing. Ugh

Well, that's enough for now... I'm sure I will be updating with more.

make up your mind!

Yesterday I was told I looked green and I was glowing in the same hour.
Hopefully I have more glowing moments than green moments. :-/


7 more weeks ...

Heres to 2012!

Its going to be a great year!

we are increasing our numbers in September 2012!!!! :)

aka:

WE ARE  PREGNANT!!!!! :)

please NO posts on facebook!

Well it's official!!!

WE ARE MARRIED!!!!!

We sealed the deal on Saturday and have lasted almost a week and not killed eachother... I think we are doing pretty well! ;P

It is so nice to finally just BE married. No more having to drive home at night, worrying about being in the same bed or not being "chaperoned" and being with each other!
We had a cute little mini moon down to Santa Cruz/Monterey and it was lovely. It was great to get away lol ( I'll blogg w/ pictures later)

Now life is just getting used to schedules, the city, being MRS. ATHEY, and being introduced as his wife... It still catches me offguard lol

We are embracing this new time. Yes it's a little scary... But hey, we have eachother!

Beginning is in sight!

Sooooooooo Its October... and that means:


WE GET MARRIED THIS MONTH!


... and we are just a little excited, freaked out, overwhelmed, and ready for it to be over! :)






This little fact keeps hitting us incrementally at different times. 
When I got a dress
When we got the marriage license
Moving into the apartment 
When we were putting together favors
When we were stuffing and stuffing and stuffing envelopes 
When we had our temple recommend interviews
AFTER the Living Ordinance interview :)


We cant wait to be married but its a little scary... as Mike puts it :" to become an old adult"
He doesn't want to grow up... 


What he doesn't realize is getting married doesn't mean we grow up... it just means we  found our partner in crime ;)


What are we getting ourselves into?;)

the last few weeks....

Well here we are! We made it! I never thought this month would come but here it is!

Slight recap of the past few weeks:

Mike Moved! = no more Athey kids at home!

Mike started school= getting back into the grove

Kati Moved + moving drama with old roomate= Mike saw a new side of me :-/

Mike - weight=Mike bought size 34 jeans! He looks so good!

Invitations + getting addresses + stuffing= no date nights

Graduation from the 720 program at NHI +  my mother actually showing up= tears but I found out how many people are on my side

Student Services Award + Graduate with Honors + Letters of Excellence + Student of the Month= Being a Teaching Assistant BEFORE I graduated

Ambition+ Drive+ a very supportive Husband ( we will be married when I start the program) = Advanced Neuromuscular Program (400 more hours of school)

It has been a rough couple weeks, but we are growing closer and I cant wait to get sealed to-and start my life with- such a wonderful man!

Changes

Sooooooo... This weekend Mike moved into our place in San Francisco!!! I couldn't be there for the actual move, but I came later that day and brought a carful of MY stuff to ( as a friend put it- stake my territory. Haha) this was the first time actually SEEING OUR PLACE, and frankly, I LOVE IT! it's bigger than the place I have now and has cute little quirks that will fit Mike and I well lol
Starting to unpack was quite an experience... I love how organized he was but there was one box I opened named : "living room misc" - I could only identify ONE thing in the box. He explained what everything was and said: " don't look at me like that... You have weird stuff to!" he couldnt name anything at that moment... But later when I was playing with a crazy Japanese hamster toy ( that my dad got me for a gift a few years ago) spinning around in the kitchen... I understood that he MAY have a point. :D

I love him and appreciate his ignorance... He has no idea what he is getting himself into... Granted he thinks my "PMS" ( I have only expressed it 2 times since we have been together) is funny... But he hasn't lived with my crazy shenanigans yet.he he.

67 more days!!!

87- so the countdown begins! :D

Time is ticking and the faint echo of wedding bells are now able to be heard in the distance.

When Mike and I looked at our countdown this weekend it said 89 days until our marriage... Our response: "When did it get under 100?" hahaha

It seems so unreal that in  few months I will be married to Mike, the love of my life. CRAZY!

This weekend, I felt. was one of those defining moments for us... it was very stressful and we worked together as a team so well. I was stressed because my mother gave me my car for my birthday ( with a bunch of strings including registering, transferring the title and getting insurance in a few days ( amongst the issues with my license) right when we were going to deal with the insurance my roommate franticly called with an issue and so I had to deal with that while Mike talked to AAA.  I am so grateful that he did that for me! We ended up both getting off the phone within 10 seconds of eachother and immediately  I felt: " we CAN do this!" :) Such a great feeling!

On Saturday we took our engagement photos and the photographer (an old friend of mine) kept saying: " well you two have the 'happy couple' look down!" she explained to us that a bunch of couples that she has done wedding and engagement photos for ... don't seem happy. HOW SAD! And probably why there is a over 50% divorce rate! We giggled, swooned and acted like dorky engaged folk :) It was fun! I cant wait to see the pictures! The girls ( twins) are very artistic and have a knack for portraying the feeling of the moment :)

Side note: I reach 500 hours with my program on Monday! You know what that means...........................
 ( no? well im going to tell you if you...)

CALIFORNIA CERTIFICATION!

which means I CAN APPLY FOR JOBS!!!!!

Before I can officially send in my application for the certification, I have to be fingerprinted... Yay for being in the "system"lol

YAY!

JULY: Certification & job hunt
AUGUST:Mike moves, Mike starts school, I move
SEPTEMBER: I graduate and start freaking out about the wedding ;)
OCTOBER: Endowment and Wedding! Then I think it will be a good time to take a breath!

"No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted"-Aesop
I try to live my life by this quote. I never really realized how much of a difference it made until this week. 
Recently I have had some money-is-too-tight issues. It was weighing on me and one day I walked into class and the teacher(campus manager) noticed and pulled me into her office. I told her the issue and she offered me a job. So, right now I am working an extra day in the clinic, teaching a lab and tutoring. That little act of kindness completely changed my situation. 
This week 2 classmates (married couple)who just moved here from Tahoe, and living off of money from her relatives will until they get jobs. However, the trustee is her mother and she is misusing the money, so she won't give them the money they deserve. They have a grand total of $12 between the two of them and were running out of food... I gathered up  food in my pantry that I won't use and bought some food for them when I went grocery shopping for the week. Sales, store brans and buy one get one deals didn't put too much o a strain on my budget. 
As they drove into the school parking lot I waved them down and told them that they touched me yesterday because I had just recently been in the "I'm poor- what am I going to do next" stage and I gathered up and bought them food and hopefully that would help them. They were so grateful that I did this and that they have been praying for help. However, because of the stress they got into a fight this morning about money and how they were going to eat that week. The girl started crying and said: " Thank you! We have nothing to fight about anymore!" She also said that she "...felt like it was Christmas!"
It felt so good to help them and know that I was presented with the opportunity to help and I was able to make their lives a little easier in this rough time. 
I felt it was necessary to act because I was just in that situation and if the school hadn't helped me I don't know what I would do. So, I felt the need to help that little bit, since I could help. :)        

What I have Learned in Massage School

As I reach my midpoint of my program... I would like to share some things that I have learned outside of the " techniques and modalities"

1. It is always important to have clean hands AND feet.
2. Always act like someone is watching you
3. You cant always choose who you work with or help.
4. Always BE a safe space for people, you don't know what they have been through.
5. Your intention speaks louder than your action.
6. Keep antibacterial handy at all times.
7. You can never have too many pillowcases.
8.  Emotions and posture are closely linked.
9. If you associate food (potlucks) with tests... the tests aren't so bad!
10. You can make a money by stepping on people.
11. People will complain about ANYTHING!
12. Healthy, nurturing touch is a profound gift.
13 Stay grounded... the snoring isn't going to stop. lol
14. Blink and your going to miss it... be in the moment
15. Embrace your tiger (challenges)
16. Keep your cup empty! ( always be ready to take in new info)
17. Same, same but different
18. Trust the process!
19. Always speak the truth with compassion
20. When all else fails... WHOOSH!